It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
