are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
