my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
