Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
