She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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