so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
