I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
