OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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