Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
