i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
there is puke in my bra ... again
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize