I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
