did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
