It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
