We're facebook friends in real life
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
