they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize