I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
