I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
