why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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