very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
