Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
