oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize