Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
