dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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