2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
