the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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