Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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