Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Girls should come with a carfax report
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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