apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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