Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
