Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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