My friends, they love my intelligence
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
