i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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