and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
