i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
