bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
