Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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