Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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