I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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