Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
