Kiss
Puke
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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