So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
