I hate all girls vehemently.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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