BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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