Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think I won the penis lottery.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Randomize
