i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize