Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
