some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this boner is exhausting
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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