glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
