I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize