we're chasing vodka with high fives
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
