definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize