There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
