yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
