she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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