Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
