There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
