wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
