i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
