no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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