Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
