Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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