your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
