Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
