Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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