Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
