You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
