you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
