I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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