WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
