If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
