Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
