Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
