And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
