Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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